When did I started thinking about it? Not very long ago - until I heard a dialogue from movie, 'Shall We Dance'; "We need a witness to our lives... Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness."
Here I try to find all possible reasons I can think of, why do we need to have someone to clock our life, or so called to have a life-partner? And just what are our expectations? Why cant we get the same from somewhere else? And finally what we need to look for and prioritize before committing to one final decision.
When asked 'Why do we need a life partner?'; most would definitely say; we need a life partner to share our feelings, emotions and thoughts, someone who understand, appreciate and respect them.
One will be utmost comfortable to share their deepest feeling, inmost emotions and craziest thoughts with someone who is like their best pal. Someone who know them for a long time, understand them very well and care for them with all their hearts; like someone's mother, father, siblings or childhood friends. If one already has someone like this, why do we need to introduce a new being with such expectations?
Others might say, we need a helping hand in the ups and downs of the life. Life is never smooth, we get into financial, social, health, emotional, all sorts of possible troubles. We need someone who care, empathize, guide and help us in such times.
One may be into all sorts of problems, and would need help and support of people from all many different backgrounds. Why to expect from just one being to be willing and capable to help in every situation?
Other similar view could be - Life is hard, sharing the burden helps live a smooth and reliable life. Being single, its hard to live a life taking care of things both in and out of the house. Living with someone, work and load gets shared and distributed.
This sure got some truth, sharing the work does makes it a pleasure and manageable. But to be able to do it efficiently and make it possible to reap the benefits, we need to have fine understanding and chemistry inbetween.
Think in terms of life science, and obvious answer is - To have offspring and to provide them proper enviornment to grow and prosper.
This is so obvious, that there is no argument except that we are almost 7 billion soon and growing. :)
Talk to a creationism, and he would fervently say - We are created like that, since the early time of Adam and Eve.
Just one argument - No one dies of being alone, many lived solitary lives and were successful too. Though it brings another question - whats the definition of success? But we know across the world, religion and culture, we have those who chose to live life of a hermit - from St. Jerome to Peter the Hermit to Hindu, Buddhist and Sufi saints to Obi-Wan Kenobi of Star Wars.
Talk to a socialist, and he probably might say - for the social and cultural upbringing.
I agree partially, but cant deny it completely, unless one is totally on the path to Himalayas. :)
Finally a very philosophical one, from movie 'Shall We Dance' - We need a witness to our lives and to bear witness into another's life.
This does sounds way too philosophical to be true, but at very subtle level means a lot; its not just the expectations of getting help in ups and downs, sharing the burden, understanding and respect, propagating the species or maintaining the order of the God and society. It means that someone among the billion, like a peer, like a best pal is always there to be a part, to notice, to share and be a witness of every moment of life - good, bad, terrible, mundane. What else is a human life otherwise, but the star dust.
I think, all the above mentioned points have some significance. At least in the current society that we are born into, getting married at some point of time is the way of life.
So finally, accepting it just as the way of life, so many of my friends happily and readily are surrendering to the risky business of taking marriage vows, I think it will be beneficial to summarize the points one should take into consideration before taking the big leap.
(%) Love should never be, 'The Basis', for getting married, rather love is the result of a healthy relationship when other factors match and fits well.(%) Find someone with whom you have common interests; living with someone for 20 more years, you need to know how you will spend your time together - travelling, eating, sleeping or alone in a corner. With each other, you can either grow together or grow apart.
(%) Make sure you feel calm, safe and trust in expressing your craziest thoughts and innermost feelings; that they do not hurt or offend the person. This sure is the most important one not be be ignored.
(%) There are two aspects of life - principles and practise. And so are two kind - those who live for their principles and those who ignore them anytime to achieve the desired practise. Differentiate them as Democratic and Republican, if you may; but you need to make sure which one you are confortable and are dealing with.
(%) And at the very end, try to find if there is anything that you wish and want to change or improve about the person. If so, either forget about it or forget this person. Dont fool yourself that you can change someone or the faults you see are not that important. Dont let the lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure and low self-esteem blind you to any of these signs.
And finally an African proverb, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open; afterwards, close one eye."
References -
No comments:
Post a Comment